Do you want to become a better person, change, behave and feel differently? These are frequent desires of people who do not see progress in their lives and do not know how to achieve it. Whether it is worth changing something in yourself, and when it is really necessary, let’s understand together with a psychologist.
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Can a Person Change Themselves?
Quite often people are faced with two questions:
- Is it possible to change anything in yourself at all?
- If yes, then what qualities should be left, not subject to “modernization”?
The answer to the first question is simple: it’s possible to change. There are many available ways to transform your behavior and emotional state. Even what is commonly referred to as temperament is subject to change. Awareness, self-control, perhaps gaining new knowledge and learning a new profession will help you in this.
The second question is more difficult to answer because there are no negative qualities and sides of personality that would not be beneficial. The main rule of the psyche is that any behavior is necessary for something. Even those characteristics that you consider to be shortcomings, you can turn into advantages, just by changing your attitude to them. For example, if you are playing the Sweet Bonanza demo too much, you can turn it into your income. You are an adult with a profession, family, job and you are doing a great job with your life in your place. Think about it: your psyche is working as it should. It makes sense to transform something only if you want to get different results.
What Features Shouldn’t Be Changed?
Each of us is dissatisfied with some of our qualities. There are many examples of such traits. Here are just a few of them.
Don’t give up excessive altruism under the motto “I already do everything for others, I’m tired”. When you realize that you don’t need to buy the love of others, you will still remain a sensitive and considerate person, anyone with you will feel good just being around you.
Some people come to the psychologist with the request: “My fear stops me all the time, I want it to disappear”. In the course of working on yourself, the fear will really go away, and the ability to see the pitfalls and make informed decisions in important moments will remain. Only now it won’t be panic and paralysis, but wisdom.
Impulsiveness, anger at people and the world — do you want to erase all of that? When you start to feel safe, when you no longer need to protect the vulnerable and resentful child inside, you will find that this energy empowers you to work and create. You can fight, act “out of spite” and prove something to someone, or channel the energy into new accomplishments.
Some people want to get rid of this quality. But if you work with it, it turns out that it isn’t nerdiness at all, but attention to detail. It’s worth allowing yourself to relax in communication with others, to look at people with joy and play, as meticulousness will turn into expertise and a sense of humor, and you will not have to correct others, pick on something. The world is good enough. And you can see it in every little thing.
Become the Best Version of Yourself
Consider professional advancement. No matter who you work as, you have the traits to do well at your job or at least some aspect of it. If you think about it, you can always find those characteristics in yourself for which you are loved and respected by those around you.
To see for yourself, do a simple exercise that will take about 30 seconds. Close your eyes and visualize your ideal and real life at the same time. Those routine days, the everyday life you would feel good about. Not a beach, not a resort, but an ordinary life that is perfect for you. Ask yourself: “Where are you? What are you doing? Who is around you? How and what do you do for a living? What are your plans?”.
Now open your eyes. Surely you have noticed that the picture presented highlights just your abilities and strengths. It doesn’t require a complete overhaul of yourself: only minor tuning and correction of one or two psychological problems. Perhaps you need a little more confidence, less tension, the ability to say “no” and focus on what’s important. Perhaps you don’t want to become a different person, but only strive to become a better version of yourself. When you realize this, your weaknesses will come into balance.
You are a formed and effective individual, you don’t have to give up anything. Perhaps you should free yourself from limitations that you didn’t even choose for yourself: that’s just the way life is. In any case, everything you have learned will definitely come in handy.